Warning: possible pretension ahead – ymmv.
I’ve recently been reading Afrikaans poetry. I’m doing this for two reasons; I’m finding more and more that being in the US develops my appetite for all things Afrikaans[1] and poetry is short[2]. I’m also finding that I’m not seeking out new poetry but am rather returning to the poets whose work I read while in high school; nostalgia I guess. And I’ve found myself wanting to post some of that poetry as a record of what I’ve been reading. But just posting it in Afrikaans doesn’t do much and so I’ve arrived at a great point of folly; an attempt to translate Afrikaans poetry into English. Now this is an outright bad idea. Translating literature is a serious undertaking that requires years of study, not only of technique but also of the authors whose work you attempt to interpret. And translating poetry is an even more difficult matter since poetry is all about the feel of the words and how they interrelate; it’s about images and associations and inferences – the least concrete form of writing.
But despite my knowing that I would be entering a world fraught with pitfalls and pretension I just couldn’t resist making an attempt at translating an NP van Wyk Louw masterpiece. I should say up front that I am not at all happy with how I’ve translated the title. The title of this poem is absolutely crucial to its tone and while the literal translation may work on the opening line it doesn’t work as a title.
Here’s the original in glowing Afrikaans
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And my interpretation
Once more
Once more I want to in the twilight
again in our town stand at our dam,
again with my sling up into the dark shoot,
and listen, and even though I become sore and dull,
how the pebble far away in the reeds
from the dark into the dark water drops.
(1954)
The problem with the translated title is that while the English phrase ‘once more’ is functionally the same as ‘nog eenmaal’ there is a sense of finality to the Afrikaans phrase which I don’t find in its English counterpart. The essence of this poem is that the author’s longing to experience that moment just once more – one last time. The English phrase leaves the interpretation open to multiple times – ‘once more’ is not the same as ‘just one more time’ – it’s too close to ‘once again’.
I exchanged a couple of mails with a friend on the translation and he offered some interesting observations.
[CK] I find quite intriguing how ambiguous and difficult it is to translate spatial terms from one language to another:
“op on dorp” becomes “in our town”
“uit donker” becomes “from the dark”
[me] Totally agreed – I feel that not being able to perfectly translate ‘op ons dorp’ is especially sad.
[CK] I realise that I have no idea what he means by the ‘seer en dof’. I suspect this is a reference to aging (‘word’ could be interpreted as ‘grow’?)
[me] Now, now, now, now – I think that you’ve hit on the key phrase of the entire poem. And in particular I think that you’re right about the aging aspect. Re-looking the original, that phrase is the only which does not originate in the physical; a tangible item, place or action. I agree that it relates to aging and possibly dying. It may be a stretch to infer but it could be that the author thinks of this moment as the one, of all the moments of his life, that he chooses to relive at the moment of dying.
10 Comments
Youre’kidding me, right????
THAT”S your translation????
Dear Werner,
No offense….but,
it’s funny…the haha type funny.
keep going….you may eventually understand that NO language can be translated directly into another….
not normally, not abnormally…and definately not in poetry.
probeer maar weer.
:)
I like my translation. Will you show us yours?
It seems not. Well, then let me post an updated translation of my own. I’ve decided to take Mr Kotze’s advice and not try to be literal. So here goes;
:)
well, the reason I haven’t replied my friend, could be due to the fact that I have just walked into the office
……….and really, a teeny bit of research, would immediately have enlightened you to the fact that there’s a greater possibility of Bin Laden becoming the next American President (by popular vote), than Tosca being a man’s name…
no wonder your translated poetry is brittle
Tosca being a man’s name…
touché – that must happen a lot.
With a name like Werner…let me guess, you hail from the Freestate don’t you???
Wellcome to South Africa…now that you have managed to access the Web.
Before I post my translation, I’ll actually give it some thought
With poetry you understand, its always about what the poet was trying to say…his choice of words, could only enhance the rhythm and the rhyme, but ultimately they are only painting a picture of a feeling.
With poetry you understand
*yawn
Hi Werner,
ek is Jinnie (voorheen Davel) Theron, my pa het vir jou Afrikaans gegee op skool in Bethal (of dalk my ma?). Het jou vertaling raak ge-google op soek na ‘n translation van ‘n ander gedig. Het gedink ek wil tog kommentaar lewer op jou vertaling, al is ek self geen taalkundige nie.
Ek dink dis baie braaf en, ja, effens ambisieus van jou om hierdie classic poem aan te vat, maar ek verstaan die nostalgie daaragter. Jy’t nie sleg gevaar nie maar dis jammer daar is nie ‘n beter vertaling vir ‘ons dorpsdam’ nie – ek kan nie aan een dink nie. Die ding is, die ritme van Afrikaans leen hom baie beter tot eenvoud en spaarsheid van woorde as wat Engels doen. (dink ek) Maar moenie ophou nie – ek is pretty sure jy kan iets interessants oplewer deur trial en error en moenie bang wees om belaglik te lyk nie. Tosca sal daaroor kom…
Net ‘n voorstel – speel bietjie met “Winternag’ van NP? Hy het dit erens op die Hoeveld (dalk nie so ver van Bethal af nie) geskryf op ‘n stasie, een koue hoeveld nag. Stunning gedig in sy eenvoud.
Cheerio
Hi Werner, dalk het ek vir jou Afr. gegee in die jaar toet in HOOGENHOUT !En dis nie n refleksie op jou ouderdom nie maar op myne!!!Ek stem saam met Jinnie jnr se kommentaar oor die gedig wil net bylas dat WINTERNAG deur EUGENE MARAIS gedig is terwyl hy , na n kuier by mense in die Bethal-omgewing ,een oggend bitter vroeg op die stasie gewag het op die trein (natuurlik in die winter).Interessant dat so ‘n meesterstuk-gedig op Bethal-stasie die lig gesien het!!Afrikaanse groete.