Now that it has become clear that General Motors will shut down(not sell) Pontiac nostalgists can start getting misty-eyed over their soon-to-be classics. The fact that GM is looking to sell their[1] Saturn brand while just pulling the plug on Pontiac must sting. But I bet that no-one is going to build a shrine to their Aztek – the ugliest car in the history of the world.

I had the misfortune of having one parked in front of my house over the weekend, blighting my view of the park across the street. What an ugly frickin car.

Ugly

So, what’s wrong with it? Let me count the ways. Firstly, the concept; an SUV-crossover with a GenX edge? Yuck. Yes, you could meditate on it all day, but the frickin thing would still be in your driveway when you look out the window.

Enlightened, but ugly

Next, the front arrangement which lies somewhere between rhino and hippo. It’s too blocky to be sleek and too pointy to be tough. The result is a front view in which the hood seems to be permanently unhooked. The satanic indicator lights that glow from its temples don’t help either.
And is that little slit meant to have any function other than to let rainwater into the engine compartment?

Snorkel

And what about the plastic bauble trim that hangs off of its behind like a blocky skirt? Ill advised and useless. It’s as if the designers looked at the prototype and decided to stick some more stuff on, just to make sure that it was really modern. The result is a behind so square that you may as well be driving a bus.

So Ugly

The result of all of this design is a car whose decendency can only be traced from the love child of a Hummer H2 which seduced a Honda Insight. The poor little Insight didn’t stand a chance against the brutish plastic-and-steel ensemble of the Hummer. And there has to be some Millenium Falcon in there as well.

Love Child

And let’s not forget about the ridiculous add-on tent.

Ugly

At least they didn’t spell the name Aztech – that would’ve just been unbearable.