It’s time again for my annual xmas music compilation; xmas07 – Moving Houses. I’ve also recently finished a dodgy electronic music compilation named Cheese n Technique, and rightly so; some cheese, some technique.

I really don’t have anything else to say except death to 2007 but no to 2008.

Happy fucking holidays

I am making a future prediction, illustrated by two future facts that will become common/indispensables in my lifetime. My prediction is related to the need to retain our private space in a world of accelerating density.

The first future fact is that the development/miniaturisation/integration of personal communication devices will produce within the next few years a range of in-ear noise canceling headsets similar to today’s bluetooth headsets. These will consist of two wireless in-ear headphones that incorporate noise canceling technologies similar to what have become so popular recently for in-flight headphones such as what are produced by Bose and other manufacturers.

Noise Canceling Headphones

These headsets will connect to our phone/music player/personal computer/whatever and integrate everything that we need to hear into one lightweight package. This is a no-brainer, obviously this will happen and soon. The development of these headsets will be driven by a massive rise in ambient noise that surrounds our daily life – traffic, crowds, machinery. Massive noise will make life without these headsets an unbearable medical threat. Several noise-related disorders and illnesses will become commonplace and both civic and militant groups will emerge to fight the noise that will overwhelm our world.

The result will be that we all will wear these headsets while at work, going about our business. The headsets will obviously be integrated with each of our personal area networks(PANs) meaning that they will be able to connect to other people’s headset when the two PANs intersect.
The interesting part of the integration of PANs and noise cancelling technologies is that this means that we will configure our headsets to block unwanted noises such as traffic while still allowing us to hear conversations around us. We will also configure these headsets with zones. Some examples of these zones include an office zone which will block all ambient noise but still allow us to hear all the conversations going on around us. A second zone, the social zone, will block the same ambient noise but still let us hear music (in bars and clubs) but will lower the volume of the conversations around us. Having to listen to other peoples’ conversations will become a choice, voyeuristic only. The social zone will still let us hear conversations from people who we let our PANs recognise as friends as normal. A third zone is the public zone which will block out all sound (including other peoples’ voices) except for those people who we let our PANs recognise as friends. We’ll also configure these zones to be tied to locations, i.e. when I enter my office building, switch to the office zone, when I go out to lunch switch to public and so forth.
I also predict that, shortly following noise canceling technologies, further developments will allow us to not only block incoming sound, but also the outgoing sound of our voices. The reason for this is because we would want our headsets to enable us to, at the press of a button, have private conversations with friends without those around us being able to hear it.

London Noise Map

Imagine what this means. Firstly, if you are walking down the, inevitably overcrowded, street and someone who you don’t know comes up to you you will be able to choose to ignore their voice totally. Their mouths will move but you won’t have to listen to shit. Poor people who cannot afford these headsets will permanently be begging strangers to allow them to talk to them. If only a future technology could block out the sight of a beggars as well – a perfect life.
Stroll down the street, someone comes up to you and starts spouting some bullshit about repentance, your headset’s friendly, customisable computerised voice says ‘Unknown person speaking. Do you want to listen?’

The second future fact in support of my prediction leads on from the future fact that due to the effects of Climate Change[1] even middle class families will entirely encapsulate their houses in climate controlled biodomes. Imagine your home and garden secure from the blazing sun and ravaging winds. With BioLife HomeDomes© you will be free to choose a cool mountain forest, a mild tropical sanctuary or, for the wealthy, a crisp winter wonderland; all at the press of a button.

For every home a Biodome

While these biodomes will initially be designed to protect a house and garden from the horrors of a weather system gone wild a major selling feature will become their noise canceling properties. I recently moved house to a much quieter neighbourhood than where I lived before and the effect on my quality of life has been marked. I sleep better, I can quietly sit still for longer. I read the newspaper more slowly, more thoroughly.
Within years the noise level of congested multi-leveled[2] 24-hour-a-day highways will make life in anything other than the most retreating exurbs unbearable. The solution will be provided by biodomes that enclose our houses entirely. Of course these will be fitted with discreet sound systems that produce soothing ambients sounds throughout your climate-perfect garden – a gentle babbling brook, birds in trees, the soft sound of the ocean. You will have all of this while keeping the ear-bleeding horrors of the unstoppable noise outside at bay.

Here is my prediction; noise cancellation – together with weather protection – will within years become the most important technology to own. What a dreadful thought.

[1] I don’t want to call it Global Warming since I suspect that this is too mild a term. Global Totally Fucked-up-Weather is more suitable. Floods, drought, cold, heat, wind, dust, mud, steam.
[2] Something that tremendously impressed me about Austin, Texas is their future minded approach to interstate highways in urban areas. Huge four-lane-either-way motherfucker highways that are stacked up to three levels on top of one another in sweeping flyovers five or ten stories tall.